Thursday, April 14, 2016

Ever Feel Like A Fraud?

“Lies don't fit snugly into disguises. Eventually the cloak falls off and you're left staring at the naked truth which is always an uncomfortable situation.” 
― Richelle E. Goodrich

I have tried to write this blog post about 100 times over the almost last three and a half years. I have at least two drafts on this site. That counts, right? I don't know if it is shame, disgust, remorse or something more sinister like apathy or numbness.

I'm FAT again.

Me the day before IMFL and me today (I'm not a big fan of selfies to begin with).

There I said it.

never even blogged about the incredible day I had at Ironman Florida (I had a fabulous day!).

Me with the girls after finishing IMFL 2012. Awesome!!

Me and Ironman World Champion Mirinda Carfrae.

raced three times in 2013. I did a double over a single race weekend in May at the Memphis In May Triathlon Weekend to try and prepare for an attempt at a true double at the USAT Age Group National Championships in Milwaukee, WI. It was bad.

I can't wear either of the t-shirts now, due to my weight gain.

I finished the Olympic race in 2:43:01. Sounds like a good time to many, I know. However it was slower than my fastest Olympic Race by 20 minutes, and it was on a much easier course. My finish time put me in the top 37% in my age group, the top 42% in my gender, and in the top 36% overall. I realize this is a solid race position, but comparatively it was a sign of slipping fitness, effort and results. By comparison when I raced my last Olympic of 2012 (leading into IMFL) I placed 2nd overall. In a time of 2:22:23. I was in the top 1% of my age group, top 3% of my gender and the top 2% overall. One person beat me for the overall win.

Memphis In May was a harbinger of things to come. Slipping motivation, resting on my laurels and general laziness brought me to the USAT AGNC. What a rude awakening I was in for....

I finished the race in roughly the same time as the Memphis In May race, at 2:43:34. The problem with that was that competition was the stiffest I have ever raced against. I finished 196 out of 211 men in my age group. That was good for 93%. I finished 90% among male racers and 90% overall.

The main issue is this: I can do so much better. So Much Better!!

It has been 2 years and 8 months since I last raced in a triathlon. In the meantime I got this in June 2014:

What should have been an awesome reminder of an awesome day, now indicts me of my inactivity.

I signed up for Ironman Chattanooga in in 2014 to motivate me to race again, to regain my fire, my fitness.... That was $650.00 wasted, as I skipped the event entirely. I turned to trail racing, hoping to jumpstart my desire. I did race in the 2015 Swampstomper 25K (pretty sure what I did can't be called racing). 

Swampstomper 25K in 2015. Ooof!

I signed up for the same race in 2016 and did the same thing as IM Chat, paid the fee and skipped the race.

What in the hell is wrong with me? What is my problem?

So here is the deal: I wasn't a great blogger before. I probably won't be a great blogger now. However, I need some accountability. I have a desire to get back into shape, to become healthy again, and to get back to racing and to reaching my true potential. 

So, I am going to commit to blogging at least once a week. Come along for the ride. I hope it's one you can identify with.

I've gained roughly 71 lbs. since IMFL.

Whoa, that is hard to admit! And it really hurts.

Time to get it off. And so it begins.....