Ever Feel Like A Fraud?

“Lies don't fit snugly into disguises. Eventually the cloak falls off and you're left staring at the naked truth which is always an uncomfortable situation.” 
― Richelle E. Goodrich

I have tried to write this blog post about 100 times over the almost last three and a half years. I have at least two drafts on this site. That counts, right? I don't know if it is shame, disgust, remorse or something more sinister like apathy or numbness.

I'm FAT again.

Me the day before IMFL and me today (I'm not a big fan of selfies to begin with).

There I said it.

I never even blogged about the incredible day I had at Ironman Florida (I had a fabulous day!).

Me with the girls after finishing IMFL 2012. Awesome!!

Me and Ironman World Champion Mirinda Carfrae.

I raced three times in 2013. I did a double over a single race weekend in May at the Memphis In May Triathlon Weekend to try and prepare for an attempt at a true double at the USAT Age Group National Championships in Milwaukee, WI. It was bad.

I can't wear either of the t-shirts now, due to my weight gain.

I finished the Olympic race in 2:43:01. Sounds like a good time to many, I know. However it was slower than my fastest Olympic Race by 20 minutes, and it was on a much easier course. My finish time put me in the top 37% in my age group, the top 42% in my gender, and in the top 36% overall. I realize this is a solid race position, but comparatively it was a sign of slipping fitness, effort and results. By comparison when I raced my last Olympic of 2012 (leading into IMFL) I placed 2nd overall. In a time of 2:22:23. I was in the top 1% of my age group, top 3% of my gender and the top 2% overall. One person beat me for the overall win.

Memphis In May was a harbinger of things to come. Slipping motivation, resting on my laurels and general laziness brought me to the USAT AGNC. What a rude awakening I was in for....

I finished the race in roughly the same time as the Memphis In May race, at 2:43:34. The problem with that was that competition was the stiffest I have ever raced against. I finished 196 out of 211 men in my age group. That was good for 93%. I finished 90% among male racers and 90% overall.

The main issue is this: I can do so much better. So Much Better!!

It has been 2 years and 8 months since I last raced in a triathlon. In the meantime I got this in June 2014:

What should have been an awesome reminder of an awesome day, now indicts me of my inactivity.

I signed up for Ironman Chattanooga in in 2014 to motivate me to race again, to regain my fire, my fitness.... That was $650.00 wasted, as I skipped the event entirely. I turned to trail racing, hoping to jumpstart my desire. I did race in the 2015 Swampstomper 25K (pretty sure what I did can't be called racing). 

Swampstomper 25K in 2015. Ooof!

I signed up for the same race in 2016 and did the same thing as IM Chat, paid the fee and skipped the race.

What in the hell is wrong with me? What is my problem?

So here is the deal: I wasn't a great blogger before. I probably won't be a great blogger now. However, I need some accountability. I have a desire to get back into shape, to become healthy again, and to get back to racing and to reaching my true potential. 

So, I am going to commit to blogging at least once a week. Come along for the ride. I hope it's one you can identify with.

I've gained roughly 71 lbs. since IMFL.

Whoa, that is hard to admit! And it really hurts.

Time to get it off. And so it begins.....

Lost Opportunity



Sometimes you don't realize the opportunities you have right in front of you until they are gone.  Today I realized two things.

I was riding today and was focused on all that I had to accomplish during this ride.  This was an important brick (a ride combined with a run immediately following), since my race is in two weeks. This would be a dress rehearsal of sorts.  I had to ride for three and a half hours and then run for an hour.  My wife was out of town and I had both my girls with me.  The youngest had a soccer tournament at 8:15 in the morning and my oldest had practice at 10:00.  Then we had a planned father- daughter dinner and pumpkin party at church at 6:00 and finally another tournament game at 7:45 tonight.  So I was desperately trying to squeeze my workout in that short window in the afternoon. I wanted to get about 70 miles in on the bike and at least a 7 mile run.  I wanted to practice nutrition and really feel comfortable with pace and effort and heart rate.  So at about 2 and a half hours into the ride I come up on another rider, who is a little slower, I pass him and am about to go on.  Of course, I am cordial as I do this, and say "hello" and "how are you?" but I fully expect that to be it.  He takes the initiative to ask me where I am going.  I didn't have a good answer for the "where" so I told him about 30 miles left.  I slow down a bit, and I ask him about his ride (because I certainly don't want to be rude).  He tells me he is riding to Memphis and then to Mobile, AL and then to New Orleans and so on....  I ask him why and he tells me "It's just one of those bucket list things".  I ask him where he started from and he started in Santa Barbara, CA.  He is riding across the country.  His wife is following behind him and he has a support vehicle (neither of which did I see at any point on the ride).  I tell him how cool that I thought that was and that was about it.  He could tell I was focused on "going fast" and accomplishing my task, so he said "I don't want to slow you down" and with that I told him to be safe and have a great ride and I was gone.

 

 

It was several miles down the road, when I realized that I missed a real opportunity to talk to someone who was living out a really good story.  I was so focused on my task that I didn't take the time to share in this guy's story and to make a friend.  Now don't get me wrong, I mean I was strapped for time.  I did get my miles in.  I did get the run.  I felt more confident after this session. But that really isn't the point.  Somehow the big picture eluded me.  I am regretting that now.  Most things in life are not that important.  My commitments are not that firm, that I shouldn't have extended a little more time to just talk and listen to another human being.

 

Here were my lessons learned: 1) We should all take time to experience life and share it with others. 2) We should never be satisfied with looking in the rear view mirror of our lives.  Having a "bucket list" means that the best of our lives are still ahead of us. 

 

Isn't this the way we were meant to live life?  What is on your bucket list?

 



Long time, No see...





I have a confession to make: I am a terrible blogger.  I disappear for months at a time. I am pretty sure that my last blog post was in February of this year.  I am still trying to get the hang of this and living life at the same time. This is not an easy task.  Especially if you are really trying to live life well and to the fullest extent possible.  Do I try to have something funny, pithy and witty to say every post?  Do I try to give you a chronological account of my actual life or what goes on in my head? What exactly am I supposed to write?  Does it need to be a long drawn out post or can it be a quick update to what is going on in a day's time; or a quick thought?

You may ask "Where have you been?"

Well, let's see: Physical Therapy at The Smith Clinic - Michael Smith's crew did a great job of getting me back on my feet as did Dr. Laura Lendermon at Lendermon Sports Medicine so I've recovered from the calf injury. A men's conference at Re: Fuel Memphis - where we explored living our life in faith and taking risks instead of "playing it safe". My youngest daughter graduated from elementary school and has started middle school.  My oldest is in her last year of middle school and has become a teenager.  Mother's Day, Father's Day, Birthday's (all of my family is in the summer or early fall - I call it birthday palooza.  Tri season started and has actually ended for most everyone else.  I got my USAT Coaching Certification.  I have been chasing my kids from soccer tournament to soccer tournament to church camp to weekend retreats, etc.... My grandfather died this summer (a whole post by itself - what a great man!).  I started placing on the podium on the tri scene.   In August I placed 17th overall in the local sprint in Memphis at Showman Shooter Long Course (not Sharp Shooter) and finished 2nd place in my age group.  Second Place overall in the Toad Suck Triathlon in Conway, AR in September.  I placed 1st in my age group in the Goosepond Half Distance Triathlon in October in Scottsboro, AL.  I am actually quite overwhelmed with the success I have seen.  To come from just a few short years ago at close to 100 pounds heavier to this place has been a big jump.  In short, I have been training like a mad man for Ironman Florida!   I have been living life as best I can and haven't had too much time to write.


 



Don't get me wrong, I have lots of things to say, just not enough energy to say them.  I have several post subjects and titles that may get fleshed out over the fall and the winter.  For now I have 14 days until Ironman Florida.  To say that I am excited would be an understatement.  Consumed, is more appropriate.  I dream about it, I obsess over it. I plan for it, I calculate time and splits constantly. I am ready for it to be here.  I have trained and sacrificed. My family has been great and they have put up with me and let me do my thing.  I can never thank them enough.  My wife has been super supportive.  She just showed me the "Team Chris" shirts she had made for the race for our family and friends.  She just bought me race wheels and surprised me with them.  She has been an invaluable support during this journey.

 

 

So much to say and so much I know that I have left out.  I will try to catch everyone up as I can over the last eight months of life. 

In the meantime, I will do my best to chronicle the last 14 days of this journey to become an Ironman.  If all goes well, I will try to post some quick thoughts each day leading up to November 3rd.  Until then, to quote a line from my teenager's "newest favorite movie of all time" (for now) - "May the odds be ever in your favor!". 

Training Interupted

OUCH!

  

This is what a torn calf muscle looks like. I know it looks bad.  It doesn't feel so hot either.  I'm in a boot for probably four weeks.  On the bright side, I can swim and I can cycle, as long as I have no pain.  I went and had this little gem of a picture taken by the Sports Medicine doctor (Dr. Laura Lendermon at Lendermon Sports Medicine) on Friday, and proceeded to feel sorry for myself all weekend. Now it's time to make the best of it and heal as quickly as I can.  Maybe I can get a little extra swim time in.

OK, Let the Frustration & Panic Begin

As I have mentioned before I am doing Ironman Florida in November. I am very excited and would like to do well.  I have no illusions about winning, or getting on the podium, or even qualifying for Kona.  I just want to do the best that I can and let's face it, I am competitive and I want to fair well against some other people that I know are going to be doing the race.

Here are my problems: 1) I haven't lost the weight that I intended to lose, so that by March I can begin training at a lower and more ideal weight. 2) My training has been very inconsistent over the fall and winter to this point, so I haven't addressed the need to ramp up my running mileage, or swimming technique deficiencies, that I know exist. 3) And the biggest, I am now dealing with an injury.  A couple of weeks ago I felt an explosion in my calf. I am not injury prone.  I immediately started icing it every thirty minutes, put a compression sleeve on it, and kept it elevated. I even did some cold laser therapy for the purpose of speeding up the healing process. And of course, I basically did nothing in the way of training for the last two weeks (except swim a couple of times). An now, over the weekend, I felt the "pop" in my calf again.

This is getting to be a little too much.  I only have 38 weeks from this past Saturday to get all of this done.  It is truly "GO Time".  I don't have time for injuries, I don't have any other margin for error for lack of training or lack of commitment.


Let's see where this lands us.  Until next time....

Are You Kidding Me?

I'm nervous from the moment I wake up.  This feeling has come upon me pretty suddenly.  I mean, I always knew that I may have been pointing this direction.  Realy!?!  What am I doing?  It's almost 12 noon.  Refresh.  Refresh again.  Refresh once again.  Is it noon yet?  Oh wow, it is noon!  What now?  Decision time.  I am sweating.  My heart rate is elevated.  I haven't been this nervous in a long time.  My hands are trembling now.  I can't focus on my thoughts.  I can't type.  What am I doing again?  My hear rate is through the roof.  This is too big.  This is too cool.  I'm not ready for this.  Am I?  Why is this registration form taking so long!  Are you kidding me?  Too late now, here we go!

Big goals, fear, excitement, huge grins, have I bit off more than I can chew.  We will see.  In 11 months and a few days I will toe the line.  I am ready to push myself to places I have never been.  Wish me luck.  Enjoy the video below (what an incredible inspiration!):

2011 Ironman Florida Highlights

Some of Us NEED Goals

I am a "Goal Oriented Person"

I do best when I am following a training plan. I stick to my commitments to appropriate food consumption and good nutrition when I track what I eat and write it down somewhere. When I am trying to reach a goal, if I just "wing it" I probably won't get to the final destination (I certainly won't get there as soon or as easily as I might have otherwise done).

So with that in mind: I know that my triathlon season is basically over after last month's Nashvegas Half Iron Triathlon on September 10th.

• I know that last off season, after I finished Branson 70.3 at the best weight I had been in probably the last 20 years (around 186 lbs), I let my weight creep back up.  I struggled with it all of the Spring 2011 and ultimately competed in Nashville, about 10 pounds heavier than Branson (around 196 lbs).  I was faster, but how much faster could I have been?
• I know that for the last three weeks my exercise has been sporadic at best. No swimming, no cycling, a few running races and training runs.
• I know that my eating habits and choices have been poor.
• I know that I want 2012 triathlon season to be much better than 2011.

So, I need some goals.  Here is the thought of what my off season goals are going to be:

•  I need to get to my true "Racing Weight".  I have come a long way since 2009, when I began this journey. I started at about 265 pounds or so.  I believe that my racing weight will be  somewhere around 170 pounds.  I need to lose about 30 pounds to get there.
• My swimming technique sucks. I must admit, it is the sport I spend the least amount of time on, but I should improve year over year.  I just haven't seen it.  I intend to get some instruction and find out what I am doing wrong.
• Increase my flexibility. My hamstrings are tighter than wound up rubber bands.
• Strengthen my core. I have tried using the P90X - Ab Ripper a few times. This is one hard workout (especially considering it is only about 16 minutes long).  I have realized that I have very poor core strength, and I have NO balance (several of the exercises require that you balance on your butt).
• Improve my cycling position in aero (an aerodynamic position). Biking is my strength and I want to push myself to get even faster. I am looking at whether I can get more aggressive in my position to generate more power and get more "free" speed.

I'm sure there are a lot of other things that escape me at the moment, but those are the big ones.  With a set of goals instead of winging it, maybe 2012 can be my best season yet.

Sometimes Fitness is Bigger Than Us

This weekend I had the opportunity to run a leg of the relay for the 2011 Tour d'Esprit with my tri team, Memphis Thunder Racing. The run is a 24 hour race to benefit medical missions in Haiti.  18 of us combined to run for 24 hours.

Sometimes make fitness a goal only for ourselves, and sometimes we make it for something bigger.  It was very cool to see a great number of the Memphis area running, cycling, triathlon and fitness communities get together for a worthy cause.

I think that is really cool!

Why Do I Do What I Do?

Well, I'm not exactly sure how this blogging thing is supposed to work, but I won't figure it out by continuing to do nothing.  So here goes my first attempt.

I am a searcher. A seeker. I question things (I laugh at myself a lot when I get frustrated and tired of hearing my kids ask why - I did the same thing. Sometimes I don't laugh, I get grumpy - another story for another post). What is it all about? How can I improve? Where do I get the knowledge or skill do do better?

These are the reasons I do what I do:

Reason #1 - My Lord

Colossians 3:23-25: ²³ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

This is one that I have hardly even come close to mastering.

Reason #2 - My wife

I love this woman and have since I was 18 years old.  We have shared a great deal of our lives together, but one thing is for sure. She makes me a better man, by being in my life.

 

Reason #3 - My kids

These are my pride and joy. Two of the best young ladies that I have ever had the pleasure to be around. What an awesome responsibility to be an example to them, to help them to grow and learn and to figure it all out. Wait a minute, I still need to figure it all out.  What gives?

Reason #4 - My friends

These people are the ones that I "choose" to spend time with, to build relationships with, to invest my life with. They make the good times better and the bad times more bearable.

Reason #5 - Fun (What's life without some fun?)

I can honestly say I am having more fun competing in and training for triathlons than I have for anything for a long time. I love the competitive fires burning again. I love the path of fitness that I am on. I love modeling healthy habits to others.

Well, I guess this is a start. That wasn't so bad.

These are the reasons I do what I do!

Make it a great day!